I woke up to go downstairs and find my mother crying in the hall, just trying to understand why my brother would just abandon us in the dead of night. I wonder, I wonder if he ever stopped, to think, if he even thought of us at all, or the fall into the cycle of what was done to him, to me, and making mother go through this again.
Her hands tremble and shake, as mine turn to fists of rage. The hall is flooded with tears, as if nothing mattered all these years. This is me, facing all my worst fears. (Facing all my worst fears)
And everytime I thought of the stories that he told, I never thought that I would have to be so bold. (Be so bold)
And now, the days, they grow harder since he's been away, and I, I'm doing all I can just to help us get by. I watch her health decline. She says "this will heal with time." So I try, to carry the weight of what he left behind. I can't just stand aside, and let two broken men take away her light. I can't stand idly by, while her sickness robs her of her life. I’m forced to be a man, but inside, I know I’m just a child.
Trying to carry the dead weight, but I'm buried beneath.
I head home from the drug store, with the medicine that she was prescribed. I glance in the alley once more, as I see my brother’s bloodshot eyes. They widen, my fists tighten. I drop the pills, and throw my bike aside. “You call yourself a man? Same as him, you chose yourself instead!”
“You coward! Don’t tell me I don’t understand. You may have lost your father, but I lost the only model of a man that I had."
"I sat and watched by the window, for the day that you'd return. You were the ghost, of the father, I've never known.
credits
released February 12, 2021
Recorded by Meadows, mixed/mastered by Mark Davis.
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